Fencesitter

It frustrates me that I often have no opinion. And that I choose to be a coward. I have been reckless a very few times in the past. But it was a recklessness with possibility of a safety net if things go wrong. I cannot, cannot jump off a cliff. For one, I am afraid of dying. For another, and more important, I cannot see anything on the other side worth jumping for. Why is that? What would it take for me to have strong opinion about things? To be brave enough to say them out loud. I am afraid of arguments, of pissing others off. I must have been a prostitute in a past life, with all this eagerness to please. I am tired of the way I am. I want to change but I cannot fathom how to start.

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