A Romantic Story

I can't find the website where I downloaded this photo! Wherever you are, thank you and I promise I will try my due diligence to find you and then will make the proper ownership attribution.

I can’t find the website where I downloaded this photo! Wherever you are, thank you and I promise I will try my due diligence to find you and then I will make the proper ownership attribution.


“Okay don’t be cute now, I hate it when you get cute.”

“I am not being cute.”

“What is it with you following me around then? I mean WordPress, then Facebook, then Twitter? Thank God, Multiply went out of business!”

“I just want to be near you. I want to see you everyday. Listen to what you have to say. Look at the world through your eyes.”

“Are you listening to yourself? Look at the world through my eyes? The world is an apocalypse.”

“An apocalypse with you in it is paradise for me.”

“And why do you want to see me? What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“I have nothing for you.”

“Well tough shit. That’s okay.”

“I’m a crazy, delusional maniac.”

“I’m  a boring, attention-seeker, whore.”

“Don’t call yourself a whore.”

“You called yourself a maniac.”

“Really, stop it now.”

“Stop what? What am I doing?”

“You’re pissing me off. You have no idea how much you’re pissing me off.”

“Really? I’m pissing you off?”

“Yes. You. Are. Pissing. Me. Off.”

“Gosh, don’t be so sensitive.”

“I am not sensitive.”


“Yes, no.”

“I love it when you say yes.”

“Mother of God!”

“That would be Mary, right? Do you think she and Joseph did it? Or was it all platonic like all those people want us to believe?”

“I have no fucking idea and I don’t care.”

“Why did you say Mother of God then?”

“Because I am exasperated.”

“I see. You are?

“I am.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to exasperate you. Are you very tired?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.”

“Well we can hang out and talk about stuff, you know.”

“I said I’m tired.”

“I see. What about if I give you a massage then?”

“A what?”

“A massage.”

“What for?”

“They loosen up the muscles. It will relax you.”

“I don’t want a massage.”


“In fact I don’t want you here.”


“I hate it that you’re always around.”


“Yeah, I hate it. You follow me and follow me and follow me. What are you? A shadow, or something?”

“I don’t know what I am, really.”


“Yes. No I don’t. I know one thing. I want to be with you.”

“But it’s crazy!”

“I know, right?”

“So why do you do it?”

“Maybe because I want to.”

“Do you do everything you want?”

“Not all the time. Just when it’s convenient, harmless. I’ll do anything you want.”

“Holy Christ! You really have it bad.”

“I do, don’t I?”

“Yeah, you could get hurt this way.”

“I know. I’m not a masochist, though.”

“Ha, ha, and you’re not a sadist either!”

“No, I don’t relish pain. I hate pain. I hate being ignored and being talked to sarcastically. And being … well, misinterpreted, actually.”

“We all hate that.”

“Yes, we do!”

“What else do you hate?”

“I hate sunsets and sad endings and movies that are too loud. I hate that Princess Diana is dead and that Prince Harry won’t still marry me. I hate pornography websites and the Catholic Bishops Conference. I hate that  children are dying and the poor are hungry. I hate …”

“You’re scamming me …”

“No I’m not.”

“Did you just say those things that you hate while laughing behind my back?”


“Why did you say them then?”

“Well, first to impress you. And second because they’re true.”

“God, you’re hopeless.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Okay, so I have to eat you now just to shut you up then.”

“Sure, go ahead. Unfortunately, you can’t do that literally since this is just an Internet forum, Vampires-love-girls.org.”

“My dearest love, that’s what you think.”

***  the end, nothing follows ***


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