Virginity is a Myth

I did say that I am going to write a post about the V-word.

So here it is.

Dedication of a Vestal Virgin by Alessandro Marchesino. From Wikipedia.

Dedication of a Vestal Virgin by Alessandro Marchesino. From Wikipedia.

***

Virginity – a state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse (Wikipedia)

Myth – traditional story of ostensibly historical  events (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

***

I have been recently reading a very hot account of a certain self-described libertine’s experience of having sex with a girl who claimed to be a virgin.

And then I  read a blog decrying Miley Cyrus’s  gyrations during the MTV Awards. Miley Cyrus was once a virgin too, you know. Oh I’m sorry — at 20 y/o she’s still a virgin technically?

And then my friend Ana declares: Sex seemed to be a lot hotter than it can actually be as I imagined it when I was a virgin.

***

“Maternity is a matter of fact; paternity is a matter of speculation” — where did I read that?

In any case, I would like to add: Virginity is a matter of speculation.

For only the person who owns his/her body can definitively know if he/she is a virgin (or not).

Yes people, there is such a thing as hymen. But please, believe me when I say hymens can be tricky. And they are in no way evidence of one’s lack (or possession) of sexual experience.

Coitus is the operative word for penis-inside-vagina. And technically speaking (at least, as per current general population’s most popular belief) — as far as females are concerned, a virgin is a virgin if penis-in-vagina has never happened. I have no idea what the definition of virginity is in guys.

***

Joan of Arc, virgin (or so they say) when burned at the stake. For all I know, the girl received a mercy fuck the night before she died. Image from thefreelancehistorywriter.com

Joan of Arc, virgin (or so they say) when burned at the stake. For all I know, the girl received a mercy fuck the night before she died. Image from thefreelancehistorywriter.com

If a time machine transports the  Virgin Mary and Joan of Arc during present era, I wonder what their opinion will be regarding people’s opinion of their virginities.

Virgin Mary.  She gave birth vaginally to Jesus Christ, hence, we can safely assume that her hymen was no more. From Wikipedia.

Virgin Mary. She gave birth vaginally to Jesus Christ, hence, we can safely assume that her hymen was no more intact after delivery compared to Madonna’s. From Wikipedia.

Advertisements

A Sex Manual For Girls Who Can’t Get Off

 

Ana is drunk. Not drop-dead drunk, but drunk enough to loosen her tongue and share her commiserations with her virgin-friend, Charrisse.

Ana, Charrisse & friends. Ana is the horny one; Charrisse is the virgin. You can obviously distinguish them by the way they look. Image from www.loveelycia.com

Ana, Charrisse & friends. Ana is the horny one; Charrisse is the virgin. You can obviously distinguish them by the way they look. Image from http://www.loveelycia.com

Ana: I miss being a virgin.

Charrisse: (thrilled that someone wants to share her predicament) Really?

Ana: Yeah. Sex is so much simpler if you’re a virgin.

Charrisse: (confused) Really?

Ana: Erections are not a problem, for one. I mean, one can use one’s hand and be satisfied with it.

Charrisse: Really!

Ana: What about you Charrisse … what implement do you use when manual stimulation becomes too boring?

Charrisse: Uhhh … Are you asking about (whispers) masturbation?

Ana: Hell yeah! You do masturbate right?

Charrisse: Ana, you’re crazy!

Ana: No judgment, you can tell me. Totally okay.

Charrisse: (meaningful silence)

Ana: Yeah, I thought so. We’re not supposed to admit it. I bet even the Virgin Mary did something when she felt antsy.

Charrisse: (scandalized) Ana, really!

Ana: (nods) Yeah, really. So Charrisse, do tell … when you’re antsy, what do you use: A. Fingers only, B. Candles, C. Vegetables, D. All of the above?

Charrisse: Not fingers! That’s so unhygienic!

Ana: Aha! Candles then!

Charrisse: No! That’s perverted, candles … vegetables … Ugggh!

Ana: (laughs) In fairness to them, they stay firm … which makes them a lot better than other organic stuff I know.

Charrisse: (frowns and sighs) Oh Ana, if you weren’t my friend and if you weren’t drunk and if I weren’t sure that you won’t remember anything after this … (whispers) I press my thighs together and squeeze.

Ana: (about to fall asleep, opens her eyes) That works?

Charrisses: (nods)

Ana: Well, well … I learned a lot today. I should have taken notes.

Ana falls snoring on the floor beside the half finished bottle of Tanduay Rhum.

Charrisse stares at her maid of honor and shakes her head.

Ana, a conscientious student, always took notes -- except when she was sleeping during lectures. Image from www.canstockphoto.com

Ana, a conscientious student, always took notes — except when she was sleeping during lectures. Image from http://www.canstockphoto.com

Playing Soothsayer or An Exercise on Making Predictions

fortune teller

Someone in career crossroad should consider all avenues of income generation.

I don’t know what the ranking of “fortune teller” is in today’s job markets; but since I’ve always wanted to don a gypsy costume and bring a crystal ball to work, then it is a consideration.

***

I predict …

… That within  the next 10 years (give or take 2 or 3 years) China will fall the way the KGB, Gorbachev and the USSR have fallen.

… It will be, in no small part, due to a tiny, inconsequential, perpetually enslaved, pseudo-schizophrenic country located  somewhere east of the South China Sea — which incidentally, Filipinos have renamed West Philippine Sea, a better sounding name, in my opinion.

***

This prediction is the result of my current affair with Mr. Natan Sharansky’s book, “The Case for Democracy: The Power of Freedom to Overcome Tyranny and Terror” which I bought at a bargain price last week in Booksale.
case for democracy

Mr. Sharansky can be, and had been, labeled as someone belonging to the George Dubya Bush School of Foreign Policy. Not surprising! He once met with Dubya and there was a period when everyone at the White House danced “the Sharansky”.

In general, I much prefer the Democrats over Republicans. If given a choice, I would prefer sleeping with Barack than with George. No offense to Michelle and Laura.

However, Natan does have a point. Lots of it, in fact:

***

Unelected governments (UG) stay in power because they impose fear on their people. The illusion of having external threats will be fanned by UGs so that their citizens will have something else to stress-on about, and hence, they won’t dwell on the depressing reality that they are being used as glorified assembly-lines by their political leaders.

However, nobody wants to be a part of an assembly line forever.

Nobody wants to be silenced and just be told on what to do the rest of his/her life.

And I’m sorry Dr. Paul Farmer, I know you admire the health statistics of Cuba, but believe me, someday Castro (Raul or Fidel — same banana) will die (he’s human too, you know) and then the soup will hit the fan.

Dictators have never been known to hold on to their power forever.

***

So today I saw this in the news

PH matches China’s 7.5% growth in Q2

I know that with this Napoles affair and corruption brouhaha, the PH will still have a hell of a hurdle to go through before it can tell Beijing to go to hell for being such a bully.

But then, in China censorship over the Internet is actually being practiced. A sacrilege, in my opinion.

That’s why I think I was born in a better country. A sad one. But better.

Reposting a Repost From a Friend

Saw this today from my Facebook friend’s wall

Jeane Napoles, Janet Lim-Napoles baby ger.

Jeane Napoles, Janet Lim-Napoles’s baby ger.

***

Reposting what I got from other links:

JEAN NAPOLES INTERVIEW INSIDE HER LIMOUSINE (Los Angeles, CA)

REPORTER : How do you feel about your mom now in custody by the DILG ?
JEAN : Nothing much, mom knows how to take care of business. She’ll go over it !
REPORTER : Aren’t you worried that all your wealth be held in abeyance while she’s being investigated ?
JEAN : Not really … we have more than enough.
REPORTER : Do you think she’s going to jail ?
JEAN : Well … I think they need her more than she needs them. They were never enemies of the President and Mar Roxas, they were like a family when PNoy was a Congressman-Senator & Mar a Senator then, there’s no axe to grind against her.
REPORTER : What are your parting words ?
JEAN : I love my mother, my country and my countrymen as well. It is not our fault if we are wealthy or is it neither our fault if we have lots and lots of friends, including the Senators, Congressmen, Cabinet Members and even the President himself. All I can say to those who want to pin down and insult my mom to be very careful and go easy on her and never to underestimate her, because she is a very talented person that can be an angry tiger if pushed to the wall ! Thank you !

***
Disclaimer: I have no idea regarding the veracity of the above interview.
However, if true, then Jeane was just being true to form. Remember, these were her words as well, “Amazingly enough I don’t give a shit. “
Well boo hoo,  Jeane darling, neither do I.
Amazingly enough, I give a shit. I pity this woman and the country that is now feasting on her misery. She looks so pathetic!  One may say, that this was well-deserved. Her having lived the high life in her heyday. But hey, I'm only human. Seeing another woman, mother looking like this, somehow hurts me as well. It doesn't mean though, that I don't want justice to push through.

Amazingly enough, sometimes, I give a shit. I pity this woman and the country that is now feasting on her misery. She looks so pathetic! One may say, that this was well-deserved. Her having lived the high life in her heyday. Courtesy of the money, the loot, that came from MY hard-earned taxes. But hey, I’m only human. Seeing another woman, a mother looking like this, somehow hurts me as well. It doesn’t mean though, that I don’t want justice to push through.

I will not give an effing shit when your mom lands herself in the Philippine Women’s Correctional for the rest of her life. I wouldn’t care if she rots in some hellhole or if she gets eaten by cockroches. I wouldn’t lift one finger to help her as she sweats like a pig in an un-airconditioned room in the Makati City Jail. I will twiddle my thumb if she needs medical help from her stress-related perimenopausally exacerbated illnesses.
If you, her kid, can issue such  cavalier statements like the ones above, then your mother is one unlucky woman indeed.
My only wish is that she sings the truth before she dies. And what a mercy death can be for your mom. If living means having to put up with a daughter like you.

Surrender

I have read somewhere that the essence of seduction — or romance? I am not sure which — is surrender. Hmmm …

***

surrender

I was 14 when I read this book, a historical romance by Jayne Anne Krentz writing as Amanda Quick. The heroine, Victoria Huntington, was a headstrong heiress (is there an alliteration there?) who was attracted to the Earl of Stonevale, Lucas Colebrook, against her better judgment.  He was a down-on-his-luck earl who had to seduce Victoria in order to get her to marry him so that he can get his hands on her fortune. All About Romance gave it a grade of B minus. Since I’m finding it hard to even remember the plot of this book; and the emotions it evokes in me are tepid at best, I would have to agree with that rating.

***

On yet another part of the globe, in the Philippines, citizens (including, notably, me) are dismayed that Janet Lim-Napoles has surrendered just after President Aquino announced the 10 million-peso reward for her capture.

Jeane, darling, your mom has got to be the most inconsiderate scalawag! If she felt that she had got to give herself over to the authorities, couldn’t she have e-mailed me instead? I would have gladly turned her over to PNoy; after collecting my 10 mil, of course.

So what now Jeane? Is your mom thinking of doing a Chavit Singson? Is she going to (finally) sing songs? (lame joke)  I hope when she does sings, the lyrics will be truthful.

I am beginning to suspect that you guys have been reading my blog. Aminin!

Just a few days ago I posted this comment on some website essentially entreating your mom to take a page out of Benhur Luy’s playbook and tell all. And now Noynoy has turned her over to Mar, Korina’s hubby!

At 9 pm Jeane! Bummer! I missed the ANC Breaking News Report! If I hadn’t been woken up by a pesky mosquito, I wouldn’t have turned on my Internet at 2 am and saw the Breaking News in Facebook! Thank God for Mark Zuckerberg!

Jeane's mom, happy days. Photo from philstar.com

Jeane’s mom, happy days. Photo from philstar.com

Competitive person that I am, I just have to mention that I am the 4th WordPress blogger who blogged about The Surrender using the tag Janet Lim-Napoles. (source: WordPress Reader)

Special mention to

the # 1 http://rossesarered.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/and-so-it-begins/

and #2 http://ortigashub.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/janet-lim-napoles-surrenders/

and  #3 http://manuelboymejorada.wordpress.com/2013/08/29/drama-in-real-life/

It’s more fun in the Philippines!

Men and Their Erections (Book 2)

Therese’s POV

It is my opinion that, us girls should never use big words when talking with guys. Words such as “dialectic” or “discourse” or “hegemony” or “patriarchy”. They get threatened — and there goes their erection. What a bummer!

Also, never quote to their faces anything spoken by Miz Greer, Erica J. or Gloria.  They will tell you that you are a shrill virago out to castrate them. So there goes their erection — and what a bummer!

Mr. Gibran. The moustache would  be evidentiary that the man had testosterone.  Picture from http://4umi.com/gibran/

Mr. Gibran. The moustache would be evidentiary that the man had testosterone. Picture from http://4umi.com/gibran/

It is of utmost importance that we quote Big Men such as Kahlil Gibran instead; to wit:  “Your children are not your children; they are the sons and daughters of life longing for itself.”

In fairness to Mr. Gibran, he was an equal opportunity MCP, for he included daughters too not being owned by their moms. Of course, he could also have intended this passage for fathers to ponder upon but, as we bitches can attest, there is a grain of truth in the saying, “Maternity is a matter of fact; paternity is a matter of speculation.”

Goddarn this effing world! If I were a lesbian, erections would not be a problem — or if they are, then they would be a minor one.

***

While we’re on the subject of erections, and because I am trying to write a sex-manual for girls — who will hopefully read it and not just let what I wrote lie around so that their guys would find it and jack-off using my words (ha ha, as if!) — these are what us girls should do to keep our men. No girls, I have no idea how to keep their erections as well (it is still a mystery for me) — hey you get to keep the guy, be satisfied with that!

1. Be clean.

2. Keep on cleaning.

3. They will mess stuff, but clean it anyway and don’t complain.

4. Be a virgin until you die. That’s impossible? Then for god’s sake, fake it!

5. If you do bring up the subject of other guys, emphasize that theirs’ (your guy’s) is bigger. What is “theirs”? Everything of course!

6. Just smile when they talk about their mothers.

7. If you do get antsy and check out other guys’s erections, for god’s sake BE EFFING DISCREET ABOUT IT AND LEARN HOW TO TELL A CONVINCING LIE BEFORE YOU DO SO. Needless to say, writing in all-caps is not convincing at all.

8. Yes, you are required to have an orgasm with them. Don’t ask me about clitoral versus vaginal orgasm! You should know this by now!

9. If they shat on their pants, you’re supposed to clean it up too. No, you will not be regarded as a saint after all these services. But rest assured that He will be regarded as the Holiest of Holies if it were the other way around.

10. No dear, you are a girl — there is NOTHING you can do about it. Yep, you can say you’re a WOMAN but it’s basically the same banana. And let me add that, sex-change surgery is a lot more difficult for women wanting to be men than men wanting to be us. Yeah, I am not kidding!

On the other hand, being female is not so bad either. For one, we can talk to each other  about boys and laugh at them!  We are the only species that can laugh and cry at the same time! :) Image from gutenberg.org

On the other hand, being female is not so bad either. For one, we can talk to each other about boys and laugh at them! We are the only species that can laugh and cry at the same time! 🙂 Image from gutenberg.org

Would We Prefer Pork or Beef?

I am partial to seafoods and chicken. I especially love them grilled.

Picture from janecajuguiran.wordpress.com

Picture from janecajuguiran.wordpress.com

Picture was from caribbeanpot.com

Picture was from caribbeanpot.com

Tomorrow, August 26, people will be having a mass-picnic in Luneta where pork will be discussed.

I don’t have anything against pork.

But one has to admit, there are a significant number of problems (bodily or otherwise) that we may encounter from pork — like cysticercosis; hypertension and hypercholesterolemia have been observed in guys who love to eat lechon; the Muslims believe that the pig is a dirty animal, hence their disavowal from eating anything porky.

The question of the day, apparently, is shall we continue eating pork, albeit in moderation; or shall we switch into another type of diet altogether?

Personally, I am still musing at my answer. But here’s a nice one from someone who knows the law:

http://www.rappler.com/thought-leaders/37082-prosecute-abolish-transform?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rappler+%28Rappler%29