My Mother, The Tax Evader

Mommy & me. Image from www.clipartof.com

Mommy & me. Image from http://www.clipartof.com

The best thing about having a mother who is buried 6 feet into the ground is, now you don’t have to worry about being guilty when you write a post like this.

I loved mommy when she was alive and I followed everything she told me to do.

My greatest fear back then was that she would die before me. When she died my main worries were: now who would scold me for being cluttered, and (more importantly) who would pay my bills?

I think that if she were looking down at me from wherever she is right now, she would just shake her head at the cheekiness of the daughter she dared to raise.

***

A few days ago I saw that Jeane, my spiritual sister, just put her posh Ritz-Carlton condo up for sale, for the dizzying price (at least it was migraine-inducing for me) of 1.4 million US dollars. Gosh Jeane! A tenth of the cost of your condo would keep me afloat for 10 years! Imagine just how cheap I am!

Ritzy Ritz Carlton ... if my mom was as accomplished a tax evader as Janet Lim Napoles, maybe I would also have something like this. Photo from www.mynoytech.com

Ritzy Ritz Carlton … if my mom was as accomplished a tax evader as Janet Lim Napoles, maybe I would also have something like this. Photo from http://www.mynoytech.com

Well, why should I be surprised when your family owns a house in Forbes Park (the suburbia of the rich, famous and well-connected). And you live in Dasmarinas Village! An embarrassment of riches, baby ger? But then why should you be embarrassed for being loaded? Oh yeah, I forgot … Amazingly you don’t give a shit!

Jeane Napoles with somebody who looks like Steve Carrell (or maybe this is Steve Carrell himself) ... yup, she doesn't give a shit. Photo from mrcheapjustice.wordpress.com

Jeane Napoles with somebody who looks like Steve Carrell (or maybe this is Steve Carrell himself) … yup, she doesn’t give a shit. Photo from mrcheapjustice.wordpress.com

Jeane's mom, the tax evader. Photo from www.rappler.com

Jeane’s mom, the tax evader. Photo from http://www.rappler.com

Well tough shit on those people your mom used right? Like the cousin of Merlina Suñas, who was unwittingly involved in your mother’s scams despite being out of the country?

Gosh Jeane! What an admirable mother you have!

And she did it all … because of you baby ger. Because she loves you.

My mom, the tax evader, loved me too. But she was small fish compared to your mother.

Mommy used to sell pork in the wet market. She would be paid in cash. For several years, she would not file her income tax returns. Why? Well, let me quote my dear departed mother: “Dahil mga buwaya ang nasa BIR at kukurakutin lang nila ang pera mo.” (Because remitting taxes to the crocodiles at the  Bureau of Internal Revenue is tantamount to being robbed.)

She did file an income tax when I started high school and it was a requirement for her to do so.

So there … I loved mommy and still love her so much it hurts. But, yeah, she did hate paying her taxes … and really, I can’t blame her … would you?

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