first loves


Ana thinks that, maybe, first loves are overrated.

But they are definitely powerful. They evoke images that are iconic to one’s personal legend. They remind her of archaic concepts like innocence, hope and the giddiness of childhood.


Christian sleeping. He would definitely kill Ana for taking his picture.


For Ana, first love means writing and Christian and romantic fiction. Not necessarily in that order.

Therese used to tease that she is a closet romantic.

“You want to see the world as some sort of idealized Monet painting. And then you go on nervous breakdowns when somethings happens to jolt you to the fact that it’s not.” Therese observes.


“Impression, Sunrise” by Claude Monet. Image from Wikipedia. Ana loves sunrises more than sunsets.


Ana frowns. “I thought we were talking about my social anxiety. Where does Monet come into all this?”

“Ana, darling, your work is just a part of who you are. It is not you. You do not love your work, that’s fine. That doesn’t diminish it in any way. Those who say that one should do only what one loves, well they’re assholes. Or they are rich bitches who can afford to choose jobs.”

Ana sighs, “Well, we have already established that I’m definitely not rich. And while I do not hate my job, I do not love it either. Therese, there would be days when I got so stressed with the demands of my work that all I wanted was TO DIE!! To just drop down and die. The only thing stopping me was the great sex I was having with my boyfriend. It made me reconsider and grudgingly conclude that life may not be so bad after all.”









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