There was this point during all that fooling around; after he removed her bra but before he unzipped his pants. When they both came up for air after exchanging oral fluids for 30 minutes or more.
He saw her face and there was something there that wasn’t there before. Apart from arousal (dilated pupils, skin flushing); apart from curiosity, there was … something.
That moment, Jonas felt that Alice would walk on fire for him or with him, if he asked her to.
Years later, she would look back and remember that night. And her memories are the same yet different from his.
Alice can remember, besides the toe-curling, lip-biting, feel-goodness — well besides that — what she was feeling was defiance. As if Jonas was her very own rebellion against years of self-imposed discipline and abnegation. Like he was that candy that one allows oneself to eat after a month-long low calorie diet. He was like that expensive silk blouse she allowed herself to buy with her first salary.
Making out (and what came afterwards) felt like her just-rewards for being such a “good girl”.
There was that point while they were making out; after he took off her panties but before they were completely naked.
(That point, dear reader, was when Jonas stopped using his brain, and we all know that another part of his anatomy was doing all the thinking. Girls, give him a break … he’s a guy!)
That moment was crucial for what didn’t happen: Alice didn’t say No.
She was not drunk, she was not under drugs. She just didn’t want to say no because, what the hell, she had been saying no for 24 years and what did that prove? Besides, it felt fucking great to finally say yes.