(or if you are still clueless 10 years from now, can you just tell me if I made it past forty without dying?)
Image from connecticutcatholiccorner.blogspot.com
The past 4 years, I have been working in a public health institution in a Local Government Unit for the following reasons:
1. To augment income from private practice which, until now, is still going nowhere,
2. Sense of obligation to the country whose taxpayers subsidized my education (ha ha),
3.To honor the memory of my mother who gave birth to me in same city where I am currently working (classic example of crass sentimentality and hubris in action),
4. Steady source of income, albeit small (this is almost the same as reason number 1) and
5. I like the people I work with in the facility where I was assigned.
Now I am being offered a job in a foreign country where the salary is 5 times the one I am receiving now.
I do not feel particularly loyal to the institution that currently employs me. There is a culture of mediocrity here that is, I am beginning to realize, the rule in most government facilities. The problem is I am being sucked into that culture and, let’s face it, it is so much more easier to give in than to fight. My nightmare is that I will be waking up 10 years from now; less a professional and more a cog in the Philippine government bureaucracy — where a lot of things are more wrong than right; but we have to put up with it because it is better than nothing and we do not have the energy, the power or the right connections to make the changes that we want.
I am only Me. And I am lured by monetary compensation much like the next person. My private practice
is floundering because I don’t have business sense and I am not motivated to do “customer service”. I know that. Why should I do more
when I believe the rewards (the “real ones” anyway) are so much less than what I
: meaning, me and my clients) think I deserve?
And also, my present situation leaves me uninspired. Some notion comes into me to upgrade my skills, get another degree, add more words and letters to my resume; and I find myself asking: what for?
I see this offer to work in another country as an adventure, a change of scenery, or even (with all the terrorist threats looming in that region) maybe a death wish?
Am I too old for all that? Should I settle down now and direct considerable energies, financial resources and emotion to having an offspring perhaps? (another death-wish in another form)
So, to my forty-ish-year-old-self-ten-years-from-now: what do you think?