Janet’s Uterus

I have removed my share of uteruses in my career.  Hysterectomy is a pretty straightforward affair. Unlike having a brain or a heart, the presence or absence of a uterus will not be a deterrent to having a practicable human life. As readers with Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser (MRKH) syndrome know, it is entirely possible to have a rich, meaningful, lengthy, fulfilling existence without that organ whose primary function is nurturing a fetus.

Picture from http://www.gynsafe.com

So Janet Lim Napoles (whom I have written about here and here and here and here) has thought that telling her truth would  probably set her free, so on the eve of her surgery, she went on to spill her beans at Secretary De Lima.

The story gets murkier because Janet is now waving her own list (as opposed to Benhur Luy’s and other whistleblowers’s) of pork barrel scam players among  government officials. I can imagine people in the Executive Department and Legislative Houses craning their necks and going up on their toes, itching to know if (god forbid!) their names are on this List.

Oh Janet … were you thinking of doing a St. Paul-on-the-road-to-damascus stunt, or were you just biding your time playing everyone against each other with the goal of saving your skin (and/or your loot)?  By now, nobody in this country believes that anybody in politics is untainted by corruption. So much so that any person on your list, however seemingly unlikely, will probably elicit sighs of resignation instead of surprise.

I found in the news that the reason for your profuse vaginal bleeding was myoma, adenomyosis and endometrial hyperplasia. Close call, but thank god it’s not cancer, right? Now if only prosecuting you and everyone involved in your scam is as straightforward as removing your uterus.

 

 

 

 

 

My Mother, The Tax Evader

Mommy & me. Image from http://www.clipartof.com

The best thing about having a mother who is buried 6 feet into the ground is, now you don’t have to worry about being guilty when you write a post like this.

I loved mommy when she was alive and I followed everything she told me to do.

My greatest fear back then was that she would die before me. When she died my main worries were: now who would scold me for being cluttered, and (more importantly) who would pay my bills?

I think that if she were looking down at me from wherever she is right now, she would just shake her head at the cheekiness of the daughter she dared to raise.

***

A few days ago I saw that Jeane, my spiritual sister, just put her posh Ritz-Carlton condo up for sale, for the dizzying price (at least it was migraine-inducing for me) of 1.4 million US dollars. Gosh Jeane! A tenth of the cost of your condo would keep me afloat for 10 years! Imagine just how cheap I am!

Ritzy Ritz Carlton … if my mom was as accomplished a tax evader as Janet Lim Napoles, maybe I would also have something like this. Photo from http://www.mynoytech.com

Well, why should I be surprised when your family owns a house in Forbes Park (the suburbia of the rich, famous and well-connected). And you live in Dasmarinas Village! An embarrassment of riches, baby ger? But then why should you be embarrassed for being loaded? Oh yeah, I forgot … Amazingly you don’t give a shit!

Jeane Napoles with somebody who looks like Steve Carrell (or maybe this is Steve Carrell himself) … yup, she doesn’t give a shit. Photo from mrcheapjustice.wordpress.com

Photo from http://www.spellsaab.com/2013/08/why-im-going-to-the-millionpeoplemarch-today/

Jeane’s mom, the tax evader. Photo from http://www.rappler.com

Well tough shit on those people your mom used right? Like the cousin of Merlina Suñas, who was unwittingly involved in your mother’s scams despite being out of the country?

Gosh Jeane! What an admirable mother you have!

And she did it all … because of you baby ger. Because she loves you.

My mom, the tax evader, loved me too. But she was small fish compared to your mother.

Mommy used to sell pork in the wet market. She would be paid in cash. For several years, she would not file her income tax returns. Why? Well, let me quote my dear departed mother: “Dahil mga buwaya ang nasa BIR at kukurakutin lang nila ang pera mo.” (Because remitting taxes to the crocodiles at the  Bureau of Internal Revenue is tantamount to being robbed.)

She did file an income tax when I started high school and it was a requirement for her to do so.

So there … I loved mommy and still love her so much it hurts. But, yeah, she did hate paying her taxes … and really, I can’t blame her … would you?

Righteous Indignation: Death, Taxes & Napoles

Doctors, in general, are passive creatures who would rather wait in the sidelines than go to the streets. Che Guevarra and  Bobby dela Paz were notable exceptions.

Dr. Bobby dela Paz, MD (circa 1970’s) — yet another cute guy who died “in the service of his country”. Picture from http://www.bantayog.org/node/89

Recently however, some MD friends were up in arms (a figure of speech, of course) due to  a serious-as-death issue — taxes.

If you would care to take the time to read these:

http://toxsickph.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/bir-more-pfun-in-the-pfhilippines/

http://heavenpurgatoryandhell.blogspot.com/2013/09/professional-fees-and-physician.html

 

and this:

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/480689/bir-to-require-doctors-to-post-rates-in-clinics

 

you would get the gist of what I am getting at.

 

Believe it or not, “millionaire doctors” make up < 1 % of all MDs in my country. The rest just scrounge to get by. Picture from itunes.apple.com

***

Taxes are not inherently evil. They can even be good, as a lot of people receiving Social Security can attest.

However, in my crazy country, taxes more often go to the purse (or the bank) of certain people like Janet and her daughter, Jeane (yes baby ger, I am NOT done with you yet) or to Bong Revilla,   than to worthwhile endeavors like improving the public transportation system.

With such crappy set-up as that, you can’t blame my countrymen (women) for complaining everytime the Bureau of Internal Revenue (BIR) passes the buck at us for their incompetence.

Ouch, Kim Henares, my MD friends actually said that if you would have the gall to apply to medical school, you would be facing a lynch mob in lieu of the admissions committee.

Sometimes, my MD friend further opines, she’d rather be in Syria.

Which, of course, drew a rather horrified gasp from me.

Surrender

I have read somewhere that the essence of seduction — or romance? I am not sure which — is surrender. Hmmm …

***

I was 14 when I read this book, a historical romance by Jayne Anne Krentz writing as Amanda Quick. The heroine, Victoria Huntington, was a headstrong heiress (is there an alliteration there?) who was attracted to the Earl of Stonevale, Lucas Colebrook, against her better judgment.  He was a down-on-his-luck earl who had to seduce Victoria in order to get her to marry him so that he can get his hands on her fortune. All About Romance gave it a grade of B minus. Since I’m finding it hard to even remember the plot of this book; and the emotions it evokes in me are tepid at best, I would have to agree with that rating.

***

On yet another part of the globe, in the Philippines, citizens (including, notably, me) are dismayed that Janet Lim-Napoles has surrendered just after President Aquino announced the 10 million-peso reward for her capture.

Jeane, darling, your mom has got to be the most inconsiderate scalawag! If she felt that she had got to give herself over to the authorities, couldn’t she have e-mailed me instead? I would have gladly turned her over to PNoy; after collecting my 10 mil, of course.

So what now Jeane? Is your mom thinking of doing a Chavit Singson? Is she going to (finally) sing songs? (lame joke)  I hope when she does sings, the lyrics will be truthful.

I am beginning to suspect that you guys have been reading my blog. Aminin!

Just a few days ago I posted this comment on some website essentially entreating your mom to take a page out of Benhur Luy’s playbook and tell all. And now Noynoy has turned her over to Mar, Korina’s hubby!

At 9 pm Jeane! Bummer! I missed the ANC Breaking News Report! If I hadn’t been woken up by a pesky mosquito, I wouldn’t have turned on my Internet at 2 am and saw the Breaking News in Facebook! Thank God for Mark Zuckerberg!

Jeane’s mom, happy days. Photo from philstar.com

Competitive person that I am, I just have to mention that I am the 4th WordPress blogger who blogged about The Surrender using the tag Janet Lim-Napoles. (source: WordPress Reader)

Special mention to

the # 1 http://rossesarered.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/and-so-it-begins/

and #2 http://ortigashub.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/janet-lim-napoles-surrenders/

and  #3 http://manuelboymejorada.wordpress.com/2013/08/29/drama-in-real-life/

It’s more fun in the Philippines!

Jews, Jesus and Janet Lim-Napoles

First, let me say that my mother died for me. Dying is an expertise that only mothers can do in style.

Jeane’s mom, I must say, is a great mom. If by definition of “great mom” is someone who wants the best for her children. Like my mom.

Recently, everybody has been looking for Janet.

Where is Janet Lim-Napoles? Leila de Lima wants to know.  All the media outfits, bloggers everywhere, Facebook addicts and just about every un-apathetic Filipino are also asking.

Jeane, darling, do you know where your mom is?

One of my friends and I have been discussing her over lunch today.

My Friend (MF): She may have been assassinated already. She stepped on some VERY big shoes.

Me: (gasps!) You think so? Is that even possible?

MF: Do you remember the Jews?

Me: The ones who were annihilated by the holocaust?

MF: Gas chambers were invented especially to silence scapegoats, you know.

Me (gasps!): That is so conspiracy-theory!

MF: Do you remember Jesus?

Me: Well, yeah!

MF: The Romans killed him.

Me: So you think Janet is dead?

MF: It’s also possible that she’d undergone plastic surgery. Let’s email Vicki Belo and find out.

“Walter Yeo, a British sailor, is often cited as the first known person to have benefited from plastic surgery. The photograph shows him before the procedure (left) and after (right) receiving a skin flap performed by Sir Harold Gillies in 1917.” Photo and text from Wikipedia.

Connections

I think it was Ricky Lee  (Trip to Quiapo: Scriptwriting Manual) who said that one of the main tasks of  a writer is to make connections. Show others  his/her version of Truth by looking for associations between seemingly dissociated things.

I often gather topics for writing from Facebook. And today, I saw these two articles posted by my Facebook friends:

http://www.gmanetwork.com/news/story/323087/opinion/blogs/the-p10-billion-pork-barrel-scam-the-leviathan-revisited

http://news.yahoo.com/church-pastor-rick-warrens-son-commits-suicide-211206608.html

What does the death of Rick Warren’s son and the current pork barrel / PDAF (Priority Development Assistance Fund) scandal have to do with each other?

Matthew Warren, 27, had been struggling with mental illness (depression)  all his life.  In April 2013, he decided that he’s had enough of the struggle; and he decided to leave this life, this world, his famous father and Barack Obama.

On  August 26, my nation plans to stage a protest against government corruption that was solidly manifested by the recent pork barrel controversy involving a certain Janet Lim Napoles, her beautiful daughter  Jeane, and a significant number of our senator and congressmen.

Connection?

Well the Filipino people have had enough of corruption either. Our struggle with corruption has been as old as our written  history. From the time we were visited by some Caucasian named Ferdinand Magellan; invaded and occupied by the denizens of the Spanish Inquisition; introduced to Hollywood by the US of A; ravaged and raped (literally) by Japan; and,  now, we are being colonized even by our very own elites — as god is our witness we’ve had enough!

The question is: are we going to do a Matthew Warren?

Death in Translation

Emman Lacaba. Like Edgar Jopson, he died at the point labeled “prime of his life”. He chose to be killed because of “idealistic BS”, the slut part of me would say. But I love Emman L. God knows why. Image from cegp.org

An Open Letter to the Disciples of Art

We don’t have tribes, all tribes are ours.

We don’t have houses, all homes are ours.

We don’t have names, all names are ours.

For fascists, we are the enemy that has no face

Like assassins, we come out at night, angels of death

We are always on the move, shining, eyes of a storm.

We took the path rarely traveled

Because of that, all things, everything changed.

Sooner or later, we must become

Barefoot army of the forests. Awake, the masses become the Redeemer.

Here, with the workers, farmers, our Lost Generation have found their true, and only, home.

– Emmanuel F. Lacaba (1948-1976)

(Isang Bukas na Liham Para sa Mga Alagad ng Sining. Translated from Filipino. Translation mine.)

***

Today is August 21.

The significance of this date may be lost to a whole generation of selfies, texters, twitters, acolytes of Mark Zuckerberg — the Prince of Cool.

I was 3 years old when it happened.

Now, it has become the stuff of urban myths, disconnected legends, stories that may (or may not) have been twisted out of proportion.

He was just as bourgeois as Jeane Napoles — okay, Janet too.

The difference with him and them was that he died.

No matter what story anyone submits, the fact is, he is dead and you (and me) are alive.

The whys and wherefores of his death — well, he left that for us to deal with.

He said that we were worth dying for. That’s such a humongous thing to live up to!

Original Sins

I don’t believe in original sin.

The sins of the parents/fathers/mothers/progenitors being paid for by their innocent offsprings. Only a cruel god (or Kim Jong Il) would conceptualize such a system, which is tantamount to child abuse, in my opinion.

But recently, I have been having qualms about my atheism regarding OS.

Typhoon Ondoy (Ketsana) circa 2010. No, I was not such a selfie that I would brave the raging floods last night and this morning just to have my picture taken.

***

The recent natural disasters, courtesy of dear Mother Nature, brought on some skepticism (Yes, Michael Shermer, you were also involved, but I could ignore you back when I was safe and comfy). Question: Is Mother Nature related to Father god? Are they like married? How often do they have sex, I wonder?

So I have come to the conclusion that all these rains are punishments for the sins of certain people, most notable of which are Senator Bong Revilla at Mrs. Janet Napoles (ha ha, no mam I am not yet done with you).

Dear reader, please refer to the fact that Cavite and Laguna have been most hard hit by Habagat-typhoon-Maring’s-whipping–boy.

May I ask:  who have houses (as in plural) in those provinces? Hmmm, I am not being ironic.

***

As my Internet connection is currently in bitchy mode, I can’t help thinking that I am being punished too.

So great daughter that I am, I am blaming (who else?) my mom; who is now in heaven with god — unless, mother, you were placed with Luci? – joke 🙂

Lucifer, the angel that did a Sarah Palin, and went rogue 🙂 We are all angels, in the beginning, until lust for power and $$$ gets the better of us. Too bad 😦 Image from megamitensei.wikia.com.

Mommy please do a Janet Napoles and tell god that you will give him 70% if he will just lay off your daughter.

Thank you.

Nothing Personal II or A Tale of 2 Mothers & Daughters

There is a storm brewing just outside my window. The skies are as gray as the oatmeal  that has been stranded in my refrigerator for the past month.

And I still can’t get over my loathing at Jeane Napoles.

I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I detest her.

Here’s the truth: I think her sense of style is atrocious.

Chanel clutch? Herve Leger dress? YSL pumps? Who the hell does she think she is? Gossip girl?

Well guess what, Jeane, you’re not Blake Lively. You will never, in this lifetime, be Blake Lively. Being Paris Hilton is another matter.

Okay, Jeane apologists, you can throw your rotten tomatoes at me now. But I don’t care. Because I’ve been through worse.

Do you know the worst thing about you Jeane? Do you know where this rancid, putrid, decomposing wellspring of hatred of mine come from?

It’s because of your mother.

I spit at your face (of course this is the Internet, and hence; that statement is metaphorical) because of your mom.

I know, I know … you’re an innocent, yada yada. The sins of the mommys should not be passed on to their dear baby girls.

But humor me, will you Jeane. I’m sure you are a broad-minded girl so you won’t mind the next few paragraphs of pure rants.

I find it ironic that your mom is now embroiled in a scandal involving pork.

Guess what! My dear mother was into pork as well!

My mom was a butcher and a pork vendor. She would wake up at 2 am everyday to go to the slaughter-house. They would kill the pigs, scrape them clean; then she would sashay her tush into the public market where she sold pork every single day for 15 years.  I ate, drank, gotten schooled on, bought my clothes through – the profits of her pork.

Don’t you think this is poetic Jeane? We may be soul-sisters!

One difference, though. My mother is dead.

She died, when I was almost your age, of cancer. The cancer was probably due to eating too much pork fat. Boo hoo Mommy. I told you all  that pork was bad for your health. Ooops, sorry … no,  I wasn’t able to tell you that before you checked out. I always followed you and never lectured you; for I was always a respectful daughter. Much like Jeane Napoles, I would imagine.

Oh Jeane, on the other hand … I also envy you.

I envy you your perfect cleavage and your long long legs and your French posse – Chanel, Christian Lacroix and Cristian Loubotin. You do know how to pick them, my dear. I can barely pronounce them!

Call me a crab Jeane. After all, we Pinays, like our brother Pinoys,  are expert on crabs.

But one thing I can say for myself, I am not obscene.

So tell me, what can be more obscene than this:

Pictures were adapted from http://jeanenapoles.tumblr.com/

 with this:

Photo was from http://www.trust.org/item/?map=child-poverty-in-philippines-often-worst-in-cities-unicef/

***

Word count: 492

***

I don’t want to impose myself on others so I try to keep my posts short ( < 500 words) and (I sure hope so) sweet  — Anastasia Christina – incorrigible blogger

Nothing Personal

Before I hit the treadmill, I find me asking myself:

Why are you being such a bitch towards Jeane, Janet and company? They haven’t done anything to you. They should be left alone until proven guilty – er innocent. Haven’t you watched that Rudy Fernandez movie, “Markang Bungo”,  where he said, “Walang personalan, trabaho lang” (Don’t take this personally, it’s just my job) ?

What is wrong with you ?

 

Hmmm, what indeed?

TJ Guingona, a Philippine senator (whose father was cuter than him) was proposing this new bill.

And I thought, wow, that’s nice. Participative democracy, with the help of the Internet!

And I saw this Inquirer column by Mahar Mangahas, yet another nerdy guy with a love for statistics.

Inclusivity = participative democracy = less corruption (?)

Then I remembered Heidi Mendoza. Her hairdo reminds me of my aunt whom I am extremely fond of.

Ms. Mendoza’s story made me react: “when girls kick-ass, they do kick asses!”. Picture from http://www.pinoygigs.com

Heidi once told this story:

When she was in COA (Commission on Audit, Philippines),  working on a huge graft and corruption case against a big-time Filipino general, she had to work late hours. That night, after wrapping up her work, she rushed home, hoping not to miss an important family event. Her old car broke  down in the middle of the road. Heidi was frustrated that she almost cried. She was remembering that the general they were investigating owned 20 luxury cars (Or was it 10? Do the numbers matter?) while she was stuck with her old vehicle stranded in the middle of the road wanting so much to be with her family.

That’s when she thought that corruption was something personal.

Of course i would agree with Ms. Heidy. Aside from the fact that she bears resemblance to my aunt, she tells a great story really well !

***

But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?

— Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918-1956